I`m Not Wasting My breath anymore. You dont Act Like A best friend To Me. Simple As That. Take It Or Leave It. Because That Is The Truth, Alright. You Help me a few times, But alot of the time I feel I have to please you, because If you dont get your way, You get mad at me, or pissy. Im not doing this friendship if its all about you. I matter Too. I truly do care about everything you go thorough, and when your hurt, I hurt too…I dont like seeing my best friend sad or crying. I mean My sorrys weather You think so or not, I know its true.

   I Can`t Talk To You About Certain Things, Well Most Things Because You Get So Defensive About Everything. And That Pisses Me off, And I get mad at you Then You tell me to calm down? …. Well, stop telling me to calm down, Because This problem Isnt me. Its you. I Have A Problem With The fact That I dont Hang Out with My best friend Much, Well, Sometimes Thats How It Is, Im Sorry. I Will Eventually get out of this stage, give me time. I need time to adjust to with having a bf, dealing with school, and friends. Its Like brendan, Im just trying to balance out my life, But I havnt gotten the hang of it, Its not easy.

   Another thing. Its not that I dont like you, Just Right now, I feel depressed when im with you, I dont understand why I cant make it stop Its Not even just you, I already told you about my dumb ‘major depression’ thing. Its what I have, and i go in and out of it, ive been doing so for a while now, I have this with trenton,with my family, with friends, I cant control it And knowing you, You probly dont even care about this, you probly think Im just bullshitting well a real friend would understand and beleive me. it feels like something changed and I just cant have the same fun I used to with you. I dont Have As Much Fun, And I Feel I have to fake it Just to make it through the day sometimes. Now dont read all this and get mad at me, or upset, I dont mean to hurt you, I swear. Im just telling all truth here, and sometimes the truth hurts. I appologize now for everything. look… 

I just want you to know That Im here for you when you need me, And jessica, you have me as a bestfriend, I love you like a fricken sister. You have been there for me alot, But now you dont show me the same frienship you did earlier in the year, or even in grade 6. If i cant have you as my best friend, well then im lost. I may say these things, but it doesnt change the fact that you ARE my best friend, and that i DO want and need you as my best friend. Dont give up on this friendship, because Im not. I’m sorry If things ‘dont make sense’ …but I tried to put it all clear. I may of gotten mixed up with words a little. My mistake.

I’m your best friend, NOTHING can change that. Your mine, YOU can change that…      

So If you want me to stay as your best friend, tell me.

and If not , Then tell me to go…

But you Know what, I dont think I’ll leave, Because Ill be your best friend weather you want me there or not.

I’m always there for you,

Signed, Your Bestie for life.

I’m sorry..

I don’t know. I want to think about it, But cant because it hurts a lot. I’ve done this before, stayed up half the night, crying over something you’d probably think was stupid. You just want to forget the problem for the night. I cant do that. once i start talking about it, I would like it once , if we actually finished then just stop and forget for the night. I think about it all night, Why am i the one, who seems to suffer more. Why do i have to be the one who sheds so many god damb tears over her boyfriend, when he really doesn’t pay much attention to me crying, doesn’t give much effort to it. I hate showing when i cry, because its me being weak.I don’t like showing people im weak, I have to show them im a strong person. I don’t know where im going really with that. so something new. I felt in the beginning, i was being stupid, letting someone know me so much, letting someone in. showing them my vulnerable side. actually falling for this person. i thought i was being stupid, because it would end. just like everything else in my life. but i let him in. i started to open up more , get out of my shell. opened up and let out my love. And i feel Ive gotten hurt a lot. I cry to much lately over this relationship. In the beginning i was so happy, that i found you. I actually thought about my later on life involving you. i never do that. i actually imagined having a future with you. Thing were so great in the beginning. now….i dont know anymore. i doubt it , a lot. i think my mind is clouded of what this relationship is right now. i find im not seeing strait. i don’t think i can write much more, im to emotional at this point. and its hurting me to cry. i need to lie down and think. i cant type anymore. being emotional was how i started out writing this, but im to emotional at this point , i cant finish without seriously hurting myself more. Ill finish tomorrow, i think.

My breaks usually suck. So I’m going to make sure, that my Spring break Is the best. I mean I’m only 15, so I cant go do something wild or go to Cancun or something. xD. but I just plan to make It a happy break, with no arguments, or fighting with anyone. And to hang out more with friends, and my wonderful boyfriend.

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I’m moving, so This break will also include packing * what fun*. When I first heard about this whole moving thing I though it was the end, I didn’t think anything good would come out of it. I’ve never had to move, ever. I’ve been with the same people in the same area since I was a little tyke. I have so many memories in this house, from when I was little, that I would love to keep. I never thought I’d have to move out of this house, some part of me thought, well we’d live here for the rest of our lives. That’s not realistic at all, but I can finally accept the whole moving thing. I see It as a new adventure. A new beginning in my life. Something to take advantage of. So I’m still a little meh about moving, but otherwise…I’m ready to take It in. :)

I feel forever trapped in this life. I feel I wont ever get out of this life. I’m not asking to end my life, I just want to skip ahead. I want to skip ahead to the time where my life actually starts to get good. I’m somewhat of a pessimist, I’m always thinking on the negative side. If you’ve ever lived my life, you shouldn’t blame me for looking into this side instead of a positive one. The only thing is, is that I complain a lot about how my life sucks, It does. But It varies from the good to the bad. From the positive side to the negative one. It’s like being on a roller coaster. My life is always up and down. It never stays in place, and when it does…its usually the down side. I hate my life, yes. I wish I could just escape, but I will not say my life is the worst, because my friends, it is not. There are so many people out there, that have way worse life’s than I do. So I feel bad when i complain. I shouldn’t. I should be thankful, for the life I was given, well I am. I am very thankful. I am happy to have the few friends I do, that actually care and love me. I’m thankful I still have a life. I vary from being an optimist to being a pessimist. I can be both, at times. Lately my life’s been pretty good. But crazy me, I thought it was going so good, i actually ruined something good for myself. A good option i had that would of helped me a lot. I turned it down. A great oppertunity to a better life.

Now I regret it, so much because everything is falling apart.